Tuesday October 7th

11:15PM

Dear Diary,

Beautiful, darling wife Cindy suggested I keep a diary, as to record my “inner turmoil” during this “physically and emotionally depleting time.” Took this suggestion as sign I needed to pour out her glass of “ice water” (really, who does she think she’s fooling, bless her); if she thinks this campaign is physically and emotionally depleting, she hasn’t heard enough about the time I spent in Hanoi. Ironic, considering the rest of America keeps telling me shut up about it.

But after careful reflection, decided keeping a diary might not be bad idea after all. Memory seems to be going just a tad these days, having a written record may be useful in composing the memoirs. In other news, second debate was tonight! Not much to report, as both sides agreed on lip-synching to pre-recorded campaign stump footage. Voices too hoarse due to the wear and tear of incessant mudslinging. Don’t think American people noticed we didn’t say anything new, as they were too distracted by my fabulous hair and shockingly youthful appearance.

Slight brouhaha about me calling Mr. Community-Organizer a name that implied “disdain”. Puh-LEASE! That man went to Harvard; they pretty much invented disdain. Sure it will blow over quickly.

Well my friends, this is the Maverick, over and out!

John