Wednesday October 8^th

5:30AM

Dear Diary,

Oh dear lord. Am so tired of Liberal Media Elite claiming everything I say to Mr. Junior Senator is “condescending”. Don’t they know I’m a maverick, not some Washington good ol’ boy who patronizes their infinitely less qualified opponents? And comparing my comment to Clinton’s? Inappropriate! Resent any comparison to Bill; would never cheat on my wife with much younger woman…I mean, never again.

And those pundits should know avoiding shaking Barack’s hand was not a snub. Merely felt my frail bones in danger of being crushed by his youthfully vigor. Osteoporosis is setting in. Lord knows how I’ve maintained dashing war-hero looks.

Maverick, over and out.

John