Thursday, October 9^th

6:06AM

Dear Diary,

Cindy says I need to stop complaining about Liberal Media Elite (direct quote: “OH be quiet, you crotchety old geezer,” then she mumbled something about hair plugs, but didn’t have my hearing aid in). But how can I keep quiet when media is just SO unfair?? Quite tired of them questioning choice of Sexy Sarah Governor Palin as running mate. Want to debunk prevailing theories concerning her selection:

1) Am not senile. New memory and energy supplements working quite well, thank you. Fingers crossed can hold out on dementia till elected to second term, then mental condition can deteriorate at will. And bonus: can claim to be following tactics of Ronald Reagan!

2) Was not chasing dissatisfied Hillary supporters; in fact, assumed choice would further alienate them as Governor Palin clearly ideological opposite of Senator Clinton. Fact that many have flocked to our cause as much mystery to me as anyone.

3) Contrary to popular opinion, we vetted the Governor plenty. I mean, I’d met her. Once. She assured me anyone who came forward with dirt would surely be struck down by Lord and have their blood licked by dogs like Jezebel and King Ahab. Rick Davis skeptical, but convinced him it would be a hit with the evangelicals.

Reason I chose Governor Palin far more simple than Liberal Media Elite makes it out to be. Merely wanted eye candy while campaigning (I mean, have you SEEN state Joe Lieberman is in lately? Would you want to see that as soon as you got to work every day? Man could use a facelift. Must remind Cindy to give him number of her plastic surgeon, who did spectacular job on hers. Both of them). But I digress. Unfortunately also forgot hearing aid at initial meeting, so failed to realize Governor incapable of stringing together coherent thought without 24 hour prep team or pronouncing the "g" at end of words. Ah well. Currently keeping her locked in safe room between appearances to minimize damage.

In any case, selection was unexpected and, if I do say so myself, very Mavericky.

Maverick, over and out.

John