Tuesday October 28th

3:31PM

Dear Diary,

Darn it all! Pageant Runner-Up Governor Palin employed beauty queen tactics to dazzle holding cell guards into letting her waltz out of captivity; is now running amuck through nation, refusing to answer calls or recite key phrases we spent WEEKS forcing her to memorize. Rumors she is setting self up to be next leader of Party and thus seeking break from party leaders before her, meaning ME . Absurd! I would NEVER ever be so disrespectful to the party establishment that came before me, as they are ones who keep us where we are and ergo deserve utmost respect and reverence.

In other news, seven text messages from George W. just this morning asking if I am still alive; has been fearing heart attack due to failure to respond to his many inquiries. Told intern to reply that John doesn’t know how to use new-fangled SMS dealybopper. Or e-mail. Or phones. Ha! Liberal Media Elite spends so much time ragging on my advanced age, George may just believe it. After all, the man has fallen for some pretty ridiculous stories.

But back to Gov Palin—the nerve of that woman! Well, she can count out my endorsement.

Maverick, over and out.

John