Saturday November 1^st

11:58PM

Dear Diary,

Shotgunned five Red Bulls in order to stay awake for Saturday Night Live appearance; heart has not yet stopped racing, but am convinced that possibly life-threatening caffeine overdose well worth free publicity. As said on show: may not have money for extensive TV spots like Mr. Officially-Achieved-More-TV-Coverage-Than-Michael-Phelps, but I know what’s important in election this year. Issues? Nah. Experience? I wish. Voice of young America has spoken, and voice says election will be determined by complex algorithm taking into account quantity + quality of Saturday Night Live appearances. And people say I’m not “in tune” with today’s youth! I’ve got news for them: I'm down. I've got the 411. My momma didn't raise no foo'.

Relented to Cindyâ??s persistent pleading to appear alongside self on SNL. Beginning to feel Cindy extremely jealous of popularity achieved by GILF Gov. Palin. Also suspect Cindy, like most of America as well as Alec Baldwin, completely unable to distinguish between Tina Fey and future Vice President of America.

Maverick, over and out.

John