Thursday November 6^th

9:15AM

Dear Diary,

Top Reasons We Lost Election (As Was Obviously Completely and Totally Not My Fault)

By John S. McCain

Liberal Media You-Tube-Sensation Elite; in particular, I blame Obama girl and the Hey Sarah Palin guys.

Fraudulent claims that “Original Maverick” was actually some guy named Samuel Augustus Maverick. Sam, I’ve got news for you—refusing to brand your cattle does NOT make you a maverick. Taking on own Party establishment and choosing running mate’s name out of a hat, now THAT’S mavericky. There’s only one Original Maverick, and that’s this guy right here.

Oprah.

Due to overwhelming complaints over usage of songs at campaign rallies and lack of openly Republican musicians, forced to select Heidi Montag’s “Higher” as official song. Cindy’s choice of Heidi’s “Overdosin” unanimously vetoed by campaign staff.

Blatant plagiarism of memoir title by opponent. I mean “Dreams from my Father”? Sound suspiciously like…Faith of My Fathers?! (Oh wait—Rick says Mr. Yes-We-Can-Hope-For-Audacious-Dreams published his four years before mine. Told Rick ‘What are you still doing here, please go home to your family” Rick said “I have no one left but you”).

The color red. Am completely baffled as to why GOP would choose international symbol of communism as official Party hue. CNN viewers likely thought “red” states being overrun by China. Also not very helpful when attempting to paint opponent as socialist.

Dreading return to Senate. Hillary Clinton and John Kerry will be even MORE condescending than they always are, if that’s possible.

Maverick, over and out.

John