Friday November 21^st

5:02PM

Dear Diary,

Have returned to Senate. Keeping low profile. Fortunately Sen. Clinton too busy chasing position in Mr. I-Guess-By-Change-He-Meant-Bring-Back-Entire-Friggin’-Clinton-Administration’s cabinet to make disparaging comments. Had dreaded run-in with John Kerry, but luckily Sen. Kerry just complained about how he—despite longstanding support for That One—is not being considered for Secretary of State. Considering he is fellow Vietnam War hero, Sen. Kerry really quite a whiny baby.

Have been FAR too busy to speak to reporters; beyond return to day job, have been occupied RF-ing Letterman by granting first post-election appearance to Leno, suing rock stars, planning 2010 Senate campaign (watch out, Strom Thurmond, oldest senator record is MINE. Got another good 30 years left in me) and securing electoral victory in the great state of Missouri (hey, better late than never).

Also discovered spectacular new website Goodbye.us, in which American People can send Dear John-style letters to George W. Wrote own letter on napkin and asked Meghan to type and submit anonymously; am quite confident no one will guess it was mine.

Maverick, over and out.

John